(no subject)

[norsegirl]

When it comes to office Christmas parties, having a baby turns you into one of two things it seems. Either you can be the person who leaves their kids with a babysitter, or you become persona non-grata. I understand why older children are not invited. I wouldn't really care for a toddler or a school-aged youngster crawling around at one of these affairs, and older kids who might sneak booze or see their parents setting a bad example are right out. But should there be an exception for babes-in-arms?

Jason asked his office if it would be okay for us to bring Georgia. He was careful to state her age (which will be 4 months by the time of the party). The response was as follows:

Hey J****, there’s a lot of drinking and smoking (of cigars) at the party, so we usually ask everyone to leave their kids at home. But if it was just to the dinner portion (7-8:30) then you could probably get away with it. if you do please keep it on the down low because it would cause us a lot of problems if everyone else brought kids – not to mention that we’re paying $*** for each person who attends.

Now first of all, I don't think it was entirely appropriate for them to divulge the cost of each attendee. It's not information we have been privy to before this in the 5 years he's been working here or for any of the 5 holiday parties we've attended.

Okay, so let's analyze the rest of the letter shall we?
- On the matter of paying $X per head... a 4 month old is not eating their food or drinking their drinks. Right now, she's eating/drinking ME, which is why we want to bring her, and why finding a sitter is a challenge. A 4 month old can't even roll over much less sit up unassisted, so it's not like she'd be taking a chair either.
- On the matter of the cigars, the founders have a thing for them, so the vile things are a part of every company party. Drives me nuts and I do everything I can to avoid them. So I'm dead sure my daughter will be doing the same. If there is nowhere to escape to avoid them I'll be leaving early too.
- On the matter of alcohol being present... um, again, babies don't drink. Would they ban pregnant women from attending on the assumption that they also should not be drinking and by merely being around drunk people the temptation would be too great?
So none of those points seems to hold a whole lot of water with me.

There's two particular phrases here that really bug me "keep it on the down low" and "you could probably get away with it". First of all, either we're permitted to do it or we aren't. I understand that it's an adult party. And I do realize that I have never seen infants there before. I assume it was because those parents were also made to feel unwelcome. I don't want to feel like I'm "getting away" with anything, I want to feel welcome or told outright that it is not permitted, in which case I too will feel uninvited and choose not to attend. And as for "keeping it on the down low", what does she suggest, that I sneak her in to the event in my purse? This is a child, not a chihuahua.

It occurs to me now that I never saw Jason's friends who had children at these things. There were only a few of them, so it had never occurred to me before. I just thought that they didn't care for the parties, but it may have been the childcare issue for them too. Now we're the only ones with a baby down here and I'm questioning whether I want to bother going. I don't want to find a babysitter for the evening as there is no one I'd trust with her at this age. And there's the whole breast-feeding thing. And while I know I can pump, there's the trust issue. And it's not like the party is close. In Edmonton they used to hold it in the hotel that the office was adjoined to. It was close and convenient. We could have walked home if we'd wanted to. Here they have decided to hold it WAAAAY out in the boonies. We'd be paying for an hour and a half or so of babysitting just for the trip there and back. And of course if anything happens, we're 45 minutes away.

On one hand I'd like to go. She'd be in a sling, so it's not like she'd take up any space or bother anyone. If she got at all fussy we'd leave immediately. So far she's done pretty well at adult social events (she's gone to a Heather Dale concert and last weekend she did a Christmas party just fine). And while they try to make it a formal affair, there's always a few people who just bring out the "good jeans", so it's not like she's crashing a red carpet gala. But if I'm going to be made to feel like I'm violating rules and not really welcome then I'm not really sure I want to go. And if the people at the door are going to give us problems then I'd rather save the hour and a half's drive there and back.

Poll in the next entry, or feel free to comment here.

Comments

[haworth-attard.livejournal.com]

Darn! You're so far away! So much family here in London, we'd all be fighting to babysit her. :-) As a long time office party-goer - gala type affairs (and I'm going on Saturday this year's party) babies just aren't there. In more charitable days, most companies held a special "children's party" on a Saturday afternoon. Personally, I don't get office parties and it's not like I never worked in an office, I did for years and years and years, but I never really wanted to socialize much with the people I worked with. On the other hand - food is good! Though the last five years we've had to pay to attend Joe's office party.

[ethnowoman.livejournal.com]

I see this as a "nursing" thing more than a party thing. If you were formula feeding it would be super easy to leave her home. But when you nurse it's impossible to be away for more than two hours. So a society that tells all the new mamas to nurse and then tells them they can't bring the babies with them is full of bullshit. It essentially means the new mamas turn into pariahs and can't go anywhere. Yes, the party organizers were super obnoxious about it and I can see why they wouldn't want toddlers and older kids coming (although it was crass to cite $: they could have just said "adult party only") but a BABY will not get in the way of anyone's drunken fun! She will not question the blue jokes... try to sneak beers... get underfoot... I understand that some people might use "your kid" coming as leverage to try to get their older kids to come, but it would have been way more cool if J's company had gone to bat for you by just dealing with the problem themselves IF it arose.

Yeah, that would irritate me too. I'll stop now.

[firefred.livejournal.com]

Judging from this e-mail, I think they just don't want you & Georgia to be there. It sounds like it.