I'm sure she'd be more sympathetic than disapointed, but it doesn't change that I feel ashamed about the whole incident
why do you feel ashamed? you went into a situation that was more than you expected it to be. was certainly a deeper depth of water than you were used to. and you didn;t drown. i am totally in awe of your perseverence. most folk would have buckled and bowed out. you took a licking, and kept on ticking. even when it was becoming too much for your mind and emotions to procees, you kept chugging forward and giving your best. THAT. speaks volumes. that puts me in total awe. not letting things (or fighters, or fights) win by intimidating you into leaving.
that is likely why the award that they gave you was given. most new fighters don;t behave the way you did. and you still behaved in a manner that gave honour to your laurel. you might not feel like you did. but others did and do. don;t let self criticism overwhelm the acclaim and cudoes that others are trying to give you. things are being daid and done because you behaved in a worthy fashion. try to step back and let it sink in a little.
Ugh, no. Talking to other fighters was what made it worse. Part of the stress came from people trying to give me a zillion pieces of advice and me knowing I wouldn't be able to synthesize it all.
so try to let some of it sink in slowly. there's nothing saying that you can;t go back to someone now, and comment that you didn;t have a chance to fully absorb what they were saying at the time - could we talk about it now i'm a little more focussed on listening?
also, people mean well, but tmi- is still too danged much info. i have started saying to folk "stop. this is too much for me to handle/process/absorb. now is not a good time. could we tdiscuss/talk about this later?" it's taken me many years to find the ability to say this. i only wish i had learned to do this earlier on in my life. good intensions are a great thing... but i agree with you. when someone is in the middle of doing and coping- it's not the time to offer helpful technique tips. yog (o fighting guru that his is) would say that they were affecting your focus. and that in and of itself can through one off their game.
yog is actually a goo dperson to talk about these sort of fighting things to. he's really really into teaching and helping. and he's got an amazing handle on whole sports mind set element too. i wish it was possible to connect you more easily. i have listened to him again and again at events and fight practices. so i'm mostly repeating bits of what i have gained from listening to him myself. and it's helped me in a non fighting context.
Maybe other newbies see it differently, but all I needed that day was to get out there and prove I could do that much, I wasn't working on my form,
what does it matter how the other folk see it? you had a focus and goal. and it sounds to me like you attained it. you didn;t tread the path that they did. you chose your own way. and trod the path less travelled. so don;t beat yourself up now. you did it your way. be proud that you did. again, this is a hard thing to do given the pressure to conform in both society and Society. i find it causes me to constantly erode myself by feeling that i could have should have done things differently. perhaps this is part of the issue?
anyway. i don;t know if i have been helpful or just another hindrance :) i certainly have been verbose though. hopefully some of this was helpful. if you feel like continuing to talk... i'm game.
no subject
why do you feel ashamed? you went into a situation that was more than you expected it to be. was certainly a deeper depth of water than you were used to. and you didn;t drown. i am totally in awe of your perseverence. most folk would have buckled and bowed out. you took a licking, and kept on ticking. even when it was becoming too much for your mind and emotions to procees, you kept chugging forward and giving your best. THAT. speaks volumes. that puts me in total awe. not letting things (or fighters, or fights) win by intimidating you into leaving.
that is likely why the award that they gave you was given. most new fighters don;t behave the way you did. and you still behaved in a manner that gave honour to your laurel. you might not feel like you did. but others did and do. don;t let self criticism overwhelm the acclaim and cudoes that others are trying to give you. things are being daid and done because you behaved in a worthy fashion. try to step back and let it sink in a little.
Ugh, no. Talking to other fighters was what made it worse. Part of the stress came from people trying to give me a zillion pieces of advice and me knowing I wouldn't be able to synthesize it all.
so try to let some of it sink in slowly. there's nothing saying that you can;t go back to someone now, and comment that you didn;t have a chance to fully absorb what they were saying at the time - could we talk about it now i'm a little more focussed on listening?
also, people mean well, but tmi- is still too danged much info. i have started saying to folk "stop. this is too much for me to handle/process/absorb. now is not a good time. could we tdiscuss/talk about this later?" it's taken me many years to find the ability to say this. i only wish i had learned to do this earlier on in my life. good intensions are a great thing... but i agree with you. when someone is in the middle of doing and coping- it's not the time to offer helpful technique tips. yog (o fighting guru that his is) would say that they were affecting your focus. and that in and of itself can through one off their game.
yog is actually a goo dperson to talk about these sort of fighting things to. he's really really into teaching and helping. and he's got an amazing handle on whole sports mind set element too. i wish it was possible to connect you more easily. i have listened to him again and again at events and fight practices. so i'm mostly repeating bits of what i have gained from listening to him myself. and it's helped me in a non fighting context.
Maybe other newbies see it differently, but all I needed that day was to get out there and prove I could do that much, I wasn't working on my form,
what does it matter how the other folk see it? you had a focus and goal. and it sounds to me like you attained it. you didn;t tread the path that they did. you chose your own way. and trod the path less travelled. so don;t beat yourself up now. you did it your way. be proud that you did. again, this is a hard thing to do given the pressure to conform in both society and Society. i find it causes me to constantly erode myself by feeling that i could have should have done things differently. perhaps this is part of the issue?
anyway. i don;t know if i have been helpful or just another hindrance :) i certainly have been verbose though. hopefully some of this was helpful. if you feel like continuing to talk... i'm game.