i would say sand it and use it. life with the sca is too full of "stuff" not too hav esomething the is useful, as well as meaningfull and pretty. if the person were ever to ask, i am sure that they would either understand, or be interested in the whys.

btw. i am in total awe of your determination in continuing the tourney. such perseverance is totally amazing. i think you need to step back and appreciate what you did and subjected yourself to. it's hard to do something like that to begin with. let alone the fact that it was pennsic, and you were taking a licking and still ticking. i am not surprised that nerves and emotions got into the picture.

think back to tang's comments. she meant them.

would talking to another fighter help put things into some perspective?

also remember that pennsic is a pretty intensse experience without setting the hurdles for yourself that you did. that you jumped them and did well-
WOO HOO! you rock.