Oct. 3rd, 2007

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Yesterday I was informed that I should set aside 1 hour today for an employee review. While I know that I have completed 3 months here and this is probably a scheduled, expected occurence, it doesn't at all diminish the cold anvil of dread which has anchored itself firmly in my stomach. Previous experience with employee reviews have not been stellar. At least not anywhere that had formal reviews. The places I have always felt most confident in my job and most appreciated by my employer, ironically, were at those places which never had any formal process in place.

Evil tech giant's reviews mostly consisted of my manager finding random reasons to bash me with respect to my relations with others in the office, without going into specifics or giving details (because really, it was just between us, no one else really objected to me I don't think), while praising me on my ability with the customers (which, let's be honest, is the most important part of the job right?). And to be honest, I knew I was doing a good job and resented her having the opportunity to attack me about unrelated stuff. That and I didn't care about the job at all, so there was no investment in how I was reviewed. No matter how I performed I was going to get paid the same crappy wage and thus be the same unmotivated worker.

At CA firm I only had one formal review. I was told I was doing well at most things, but needed to work on one area. Was also given a raise. Two weeks later they changed their mind, decided the one thing I needed to work on was a deal-breaker and I was fired within a month. So while the initial review wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be (I certainly thought I was failing, but I was surprised and pleased to hear they were going to work with me on it), the change of heart and realization that they could change their mind about me at any moment made me rather suspicious and hesitant about reviews.

So yeah, I kinda feel like a dog that had misbehaved, and was initially rewarded with a treat and then slapped across the face. And although this is a different master, my fear of their hands remains.

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norsegirl

September 2010

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